Monday, Jun. 18, 2007 - 8:25 pm

I am sometimes amazed at the things I do for money.

6pm. House of Miss Maddy (9 and 12 days)

�I want to do a story.�
�Well, technically this your music lesson, Maddy.�
[Pause]
�Can I tell a story and you make up some music to go with it?�
�Again, technically this is your music lesson. How about I tell a story and you do the music?�
�Can I tell the story and do the music?�
�Absolutely.�
�Right - assumes dramatic oratorical position - Once upon a time there was�.Elizabeth the First.�
�She needs music. Know any Elizabethan music?�
Comes down from pose to play small tune
�I think that one�s earlier.�
�Fine - reassumes pose - Once upon a time there was�Henry the Eighth. And Henry the Eighth sent a man to talk to the Pope to ask for a divorce.�
�Brilliant. How did he get there?�
�On a horse. Do some horse music.�
�Again�.your lesson.�
�I can�t do horse music.�
�Fine, I can do some clip-cloppy music.�
�Good. And when the man got to Rome�.�
�Can the horse swim?�
[Pause]
�He got on a boat. Do some sailing music. No, rougher. Big storm! And he fell overboard and his horse fell overboard with him and he could swim but the horse couldn�t so the horse drowned. Can you do that death music?�
[Death March]
�So, he floated until he found another boat and then he climbed up the sides of that boat and Captain Jack said��
�Captain Jack�s in the English Channel?�
�Captain Jack said�.�I will take you to Rome, Cardinal Wolsey!�.�
�It�s Cardinal Wolsey now?�
�Do some Cardinal music. Okay, and when he got to Rome he went to the Pope and he said �Give Elizabeth a divorce!��
�Henry.�
��Give Henry a divorce!�. And the Pope said �No! Hahaha!�. Do some Pope music.�
Plainsong tune
�No, the Pope had a big hat and was mean and said no. Do some angry Pope music.�
Plainsong tune with some chunky minor chords under it
�Good. So Cardinal Wolsey got back on his horse��
�New horse?�
�The Pope gave him a horse to say sorry for saying no. Anyway, Cardinal Wolsey got on his horse � do the horse music - and a boat � boat music, please - and got back to England but he was scared to go to Henry because he�d have to tell him the Pope said no so he hid. Do him creeping away and hiding.�
Creeping music
�But he was asleep and the soldiers came banging on the door. Do some � wait, I want to do the banging-on-the-door music.�
Loud
�And he was scared � can you do that music that goes DAH DAH DAAAAAH?�
DAH DAH DAAAAAH music
��so he jumped out the window in his dressing gown.�
�Cardinal Wolsey has a dressing gown?�
�It was his wife�s dressing gown. And his wife�s slippers! Big rabbit slippers like mine.�
�I think at that time they�d�ve been made out of real rabbits.�
�Ewwww! That�s horrible! I have a rabbit! You can�t make slippers out of rabbits!�
�I�m sure you could��
�Not in my story. And, Cardinal Wolsey jumped out the window in slippers and he ran to a shop � running music � and he banged on the door � I want to do the banging � and he said �Let me in! Let me in!� and the baker let him in.�
�It was a bakery?�
�I like going to the bakery. And Cardinal Wolsey in his dressing gown and his slippers��
��wife�s slippers��
��his wife�s slippers, hid for a while and then ran to see Elizabeth��
�Henry.�
��ran to see Henry and said �The Pope said no but it wasn�t my fault!� but Henry didn�t care and ordered them to cut off Cardinal Wolsey�s head. The End. Do some The End music.�

What this doesn�t really convey is that the above exchange took over 20 minutes, to allow both for the various musical interludes and, principally, the periods when we were both laughing so hard we couldn�t talk or � if you�re Maddy � fell off your stool. Sometimes I bloody love working with kids.

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